It’s not really a mystery to my friends that I am complete cynic when it comes to romantic movies. I think most people have that cute romantic story that totally would have worked out if it had happened in a movie instead of real life, and I am no different. I met him at the beach when I was 16. He lived about six hours north of me, but apparently North Carolina beaches are nicer than the ones farther north. It was pretty much your stereotypical situation where we met and we were crazy about each other, but we were both still awkward teenagers. We hung out every day of the vacation and had this epic last night where we each snuck-out of our respective beach houses (in case you were wondering, sunscreen around the door frame is a great fix for a squeaky door) and spent the entire night talking and looking at the stars. I thought I would never see him again. We kept in touch for 8 years.
This happened back in the days when AIM was the cool way to communicate, so for two years after that trip we talked to each other at least once a week online. We talked about all the things that we would do if we only lived closer to each other while secretly wondering if it would actually be as great as we hoped it would be. When he drove all the way to NC to see me two years later, it was exactly as great as we hoped it would be. We were less awkward by age 18 and spent two wonderful days having silly adventures and cuddling on my parents’ couch. He impressed my family so much they still talked about him years later (yes, you read that right… not months, years). His last night was one of the saddest nights of my life, but we set plans to see each other in another year, so that made it a little easier.
For the next year, we talked almost daily. It wasn’t unusual for me to spend all night talking to him on the phone on the nights I didn’t go out and party my freshman year of college. We had every intention of keeping our plans to see each other again after a year, but then life happened. We both got summer jobs that prevented us from visiting again like we had planned. Since we were away at college and not living in an anti-social bubble, we both met other people too. College became a cycle of dating other people, going back to each other, and repeatedly making plans to visit that for one reason or another did not work out.
Eventually, I became a senior and college, and he became a marine. We started talking more frequently during his periods where he did not have a lot going on. We talked about what a shame it was that we were never able to see one another again and what could have been. He had a lot of commitments in various places for a year or so, but then he was supposed to be stationed in Hawaii, so we made this elaborate plan for me to visit him when he got there. When that time came, he moved to Hawaii as planned… and eloped with the woman who is now his wife. For obvious reasons, I have not spoken to him since.
If life was like a romance movie, our eight years of missed connections would have ended with some kind of grand happy ending. Unfortunately, the real world does not work that way, and they actually ended in us probably never speaking or seeing each other ever again. Eight years of dreaming about what could be were just that, a dream. In the movies, everything that happens in a person’s love life are just events leading to a happy ending, and then the credits start rolling. In the real world, not every relationship or dating experience ends happily. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but the reason is not always a means to a romantic end. Sometimes people come into our lives simply to teach us things about ourselves and not to stay there. Sometimes people meet in the wrong place or at the wrong time and it isn’t meant to work out. I know it isn’t earth shattering to say that romantic movies are not realistic, but sometimes, when the plots are uncomfortably close to our real lives, they give us false hope. Romantic movies are lame because most real relationships don’t have a happy ending, and, even when they do, there is life beyond the credits. Sometimes tragic things happen and it still doesn’t last. I am bad enough about setting myself up for disappointment as it is, so I prefer not to watch movies that encourage me to do so.